Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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