Having a random hookup so left but love u
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
