He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
