I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
