I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
