And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
