after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
