I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
