I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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