So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we're so committed to being not committed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
