I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
