Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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