I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
