Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
