HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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