who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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