Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
