his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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