How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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