The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
foreskin is a definite game changer
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
