so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
