Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
