the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
