I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
