i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They have beer where we have blood.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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