I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
