At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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