she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
