as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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