good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
