My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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