Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
