I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
