She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
