he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
