so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
