ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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