I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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