i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
