Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
