I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
