The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
