Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the day after is always just damage control
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
