no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm like, not good at living.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
