so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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