I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I currently don't understand fingers.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
