you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
