I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
