oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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