He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
